Ever get that feeling when you just NEED to write something.. write it down.. word for word.. with so much to say but have no idea how to express what your thinking? Thats how i feel now and i just have to post it somewhere to get this shit out of my mind. Im tired, broken, worn down, sad, stressed, but still trying to continue on. Yes, its been 5 years since my mom has past but its like everyday something triggers that emotion. I smell the hospital smell sometimes at school, i see a black lab and remember the times we took my dog to dog park- just me and my mom. Whenever i step on the soccer field i hear her.. i hear her yelling and cheering as loud as she can, “Go Bubba! Go Bubba Go!”  I feel her spirit brush softly against mine when i sit on the beach, sunny days, cloudy days, hot days, or cold days she is always found there. My hearts still so broken, still empty, still searching for something or someone to fill in that spot that was taken so harshly from me. i jump from guy to guy just to get attention, i get mad, sad, and quite when its nothing serious. At this point i cant control my feelings and its driving me crazy. i have no guide through life, i have no mother figure, i have no one to talk to, no one to open up with, no one to set my mind, heart, and soul free. No matter how much i love my dad, hes not always there for me, he emotionally cant be.. but will i ever tell him that? of course not. Sometimes it just sucks, it just hurts to a point where i dont think i can go on much longer. i need a break to vent, i need a break from stress, i need a break from life…. i wish the tears the run down my face were sad memories that i will NEVER get back, to bad it doesnt work that way.